So, I have been on & off my computer all night tonight. I keep going back to it & googling different topics like …”The Kindness of Strangers” and “Motivational Life Stories” and “Paying It Forward”. Seriously, I have been a crazed woman searching for something (i.e. a good story, a personal account, etc) to reignite my belief in people. I am a hopeless optimist – and proud of it – but in light of some recent news stories, two specifically: the Penn State child sex scandal and the New Jersey drunk school bus driver, I am feeling pretty low and in need of some “life juice”. I have tons to be thankful for & shouldn’t have trouble listing a few on my blog; however, I wasn’t “feeling” it tonight & thought that an uplifting story from a google search would do the trick for me and for my blog/gratitude journal entry for the night. No.Such.Luck. Yeah, there are a lot of good stories out there in cyber space. And, I’ve got even more printed & tucked away in my many binders & notebooks filled with quotes & pick-me-up stuff. Unfortunately, though, nothing I came across tonight moved me enough to think it was worthy of this task. I didn’t know what I would write. Then came bed time.
We have just converted all cribs to toddler beds in the bedroom that houses all three dudes. You would have thought we moved their habitat to the outdoors and were asking them to sleep amidst gunfire and deadly creatures. It’s been a pretty wild ride, so far (to say the least). Late nights. Lots of crying & whining. Many trips and falls and stumbles over trains and books and puzzles – in the dark. Numerous trips to the mom’s bedroom during the course of the night. And, of course, two very tired moms every morning.
A Few Things I’m Thankful For Tonight:
1) The Lyrics to “You Are My Sunshine” – the song I sang 3,246 verses of, while rubbing N&B’s backs, as they drifted off to sleep – finally! (K didn't need my backrubs because he literally passed out on the living room floor. On his stomach. No pillow or blankets nearby. Lights on and TV very loud! Dude lives like a machine and sleeps like one, too).
You Are My Sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away
The other nite, dear,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried.
You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.
2) A Grandmother-In-Law from Italy Who Lives Around the Corner – Louise (my grandmother-in-law), Charles’ mother, cooked lasagna last night for Helen & Charles (Sarah’s folks & the best in-laws in all the land!). Helen brought some of the leftovers to us tonight. I just ate a delicious helping of it – at 10 pm, no less- and gave a shout-out to Louise, from my kitchen table, before I devoured the plateful. I’ve just got to say, blogging & 3 toddlers really interferes with cooking dinner.
3) Two Buck Chuck – Cabernet Sauvignon – from Trader Joe’s. Need I say more? I didn’t think so.
Although it <always> feels very good to say thank you & show gratitude, I’m not sure that I feel that much better. I keep thinking back to the stuff I’ve seen, read & heard about the scandal at Penn State. I can’t get it out of my mind. I suddenly can’t remember any of the university’s football accomplishments, although I know there were many. All I can think about are the countless number of helpless “at risk” boys who were taken advantage of by an adult/coach/mentor/friend. Not only am I not upset that many men lost their jobs, including JoePa, but I also dare you to ask me how that loss compares to that which those innocent young boys lost on that university’s campus with one of their beloved coaches?! Are you kidding me? This is absolutely inhumane. Unacceptable. Hard to forgive. Impossible to forget.
And, then there’s the NJ school bus driver who just got caught intoxicated while driving a bus full of students. More than 20 children were left in her hands. More than 20 sets of parents trusted her with their babies. More than 20 lives could have easily been taken if they – the actual kids on the bus – hadn’t called 911 from their own cell phones. When taken in to custody she registered more than 3 times the legal limit of intoxication. And, let me remind you: she was driving a school bus full of children. Are you kidding me?
I rubbed my boys’ backs as I sang them to sleep tonight. Not a single one of them is even 3 years old. They still look to me to keep the scary stuff out of their room when the lights go out. They still look to me to soothe them when they’re upset, or sad, or scared. They still look to me for affirmation and acknowledgement and reassurance. They need me to reconnect toy trains that come apart from their engines. They need me to fix snacks and pour juice and flip pancakes and change diapers and read stories and kiss injuries away. They need me to sing the ABC song and practice “Itsy Bitsy Spider”. They need a lot from me and I am willing to oblige. ‘Cause you see, I want so much more for them.
I want them to grow up as polite and considerate boys. I want them to become charming & thoughtful men. I want them to be grateful and happy and healthy. I want them to smile a lot and laugh even more. I want them to cherish their friendships and adore their family. I want them to be confident and self-assured. I want them to know, without a doubt, that they can do anything they set their mind to. I want them to know that there’s nothing they could do – or not do – that would ever, ever make me not love or stop loving them - unconditionally. I want them to know there’s nothing they can’t tell me, no matter how scary or bad or hurtful it seems. And, I want them to know that as long as I am here, they have an ally.
I want all this, but then there are headlines like Penn State Sex Scandal & Drunk School Bus Driver. How does this hopeless optimistic remain hopelessly optimistic? How do I let these three little creatures, who move me to tears daily, out in to this scary, unforgiving world?
This is when I need a Pay It Forward kind of legend to surface. This is when I need a Motivational Moment. This is when I need a Chicken Soup for the Soul tale to reassure me that there are very good people out there. And that there’s room in this world for 3 more very good people.
Just you wait, world. They’re coming…they’re just off in dreamland right now. Their mom’s horrific singing of “You Are My Sunshine” put them to sleep!!!
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